You wanna come up here and do some shooting? Huh?
All right, how about you, young lady? Come on up here.
All right.
Let's go, handsome, come on.
Not you, fat Jesus, slide it on back.
You, pretty boy.
Fat Jesus.
All right, now, it's real simple.
All you gotta do is point, aim and shoot.
All right?
Okay, look. You don't really wanna do this.
You can do this. Just focus.
Don't listen to this maniac. Let's think this through.
Finish him!
Oh, fuck. - Yeah!
Right in the nuts! That was beautiful.
Well done. Give her a hand, everybody. - Good job. Good job.
Good job. Well done. Good job. That was great.
Good. Hey, we got one more charge left.
Anybody wanna do some shooting up here?
How about you, big man? Come on up here.
Okay, same instructions. Just point, aim and shoot.
There you go. That's the stuff.
I like the intensity.
Eye of the tiger. Good.
You're holding 50,000 volts, little man. Don't be afraid to ride the lightning.
In the face! In the face!
Oh, he's still up. He's still up.
Aah! - No.
All right, everybody relax, take it easy.
We've seen it before. He just needs a little extra charge.
There we go.
Some of these big boys, you gotta give them two shots.
All right, kids, who wants to get their fingerprints done, huh?
Come on, let's go.
Fuck those guys, you hear me?
That was bullshit. I'm telling everybody we stole a cop car.
They let us go, who cares? - I care!
You can't just do that.
You can't just tase people because you think it's funny.
That's police brutality.
I'm getting a soda. Do you guys want anything?
No.
My man doesn't shut up. Jesus Christ.
Alan, you okay?
I'm just worried.
What if something happened to Doug? Something bad.
Come on, you can't think like that.
I mean, what if he's dead?
I can't afford to lose anybody close to me again. It hurts too much.
I was so upset when my grandpa died. - Oh, I'm s... How'd he die?
World War II. - Died in battle?
No, he was skiing in Vermont. It was just during World War II.
Alan...
...Doug is fine. - Well, why hasn't he called?
I don't know, but we're gonna figure it out.
I'll tell you another thing, 6-1 odds our car is beat to shit.
Stu, not now.
No, how much do you wanna bet it's fucked beyond recognition?
That's enough. Alan's seriously worried, okay? Let's not freak him out any more.
Sorry, Alan.
You know what?
We'll search the car for clues and everything's gonna be okay.
Oh, shit. I can't watch. Just tell me what it looks like.
Not looking. Not looking.
Wow. All right. - Oh, thank God.
You see?
It's gonna be all right.
Anything? - Hmm, I got a cigar.
Oh, I found, uh... These are some black shoes.
They women's shoes? - I don't know.
Whose are those? - I don't know. It's a men's size 6.
That's weird. - What is this, a snakeskin?
Oh, come on! Ew!
That's a used condom, Alan. - Oh, God. Blech!
Get it out of the car. - Gross, it's wet.
I don't want the thing. - Hey! Come on.
I got jizz on me. Jesus Christ, guys!
Get it out. - Fuck!
Oh, my God.
All right, what the fuck, man? We gotta get this shit together, guys!
What was that?
It's in the trunk.
Doug's in the trunk. - Oh, fuck! Holy shit!
Holy shit!
Open it! Open it! Open it! - Okay, okay, okay.
Okay, okay, okay.
Oh God!
Please! Please! Please stop!
Whoa. I'm with you, I'm with you!
You gonna fuck on me? - Nobody's gonna fuck on you!
We're on your side. I hate Godzilla! I hate him too. I hate him!
He destroys cities! Please!
This isn't your fault. I'll get you some pants.
What the fuck was that?
I have internal bleeding. Somebody call 911.
That was some fucked up shit.
Who was that guy? He was so mean.
Guys, there's something I need to tell you.
Last night on the roof, before we went out...
...I slipped something in our Jägermeister.
What? - I'm sorry, I fudged up, guys.
You drugged us? - No, I didn't drug you.
I was told it was ecstasy.
Well, who told you it was ecstasy?
The guy I bought it from at the liquor store.
Why would you give us ecstasy?
I wanted everybody to have a good time and I knew you guys wouldn't take it.
It was just one hit each. I used to do three hits a night.
But it wasn't ecstasy, Alan, it was roofies!
You think I knew that, Stu?
The guy I bought it from seemed like a real straight shooter.
You mean the drug dealer at the liquor store wasn't a good guy?
Let's just calm down.
You fucking calm down! He drugged us. I lost a tooth. I married a whore.
How dare you! She's a nice lady. - You are such a fucking moron.
Your language is offensive. - Fuck you!
All right, let's just take a deep breath, okay?
Seriously, this is a good thing.
At least it's not some stranger who drugged us for God knows what reason.
Yeah, you're right, Phil, it's totally a good thing.
We're so much better off now.
Here's something I would like to remind you two of:
Our best friend Doug is probably facedown in a ditch right now...
...with a meth-head butt-fucking his corpse.
That's highly unlikely. - It's true.
Does not help. All right, let's get our shit together, guys.
Let's go back to the hotel, and I'm gonna make a couple calls.
Maybe Doug's back there. Maybe he's asleep.
Come on. Let's go.
Stu? Little help? - Shut up.
Ow. - Oh, God. Oh, God, are you okay?
Yeah, I'm fine. - Alan, I'm sorry.
Wait, guys. Guys.
What about the tiger? What if he got out?
Oh, fuck. I keep forgetting about the goddamn tiger.
How the fuck did he get in there?
I don't know, because I don't remember.
Shh. Stu. Stu, keep it down.
Because one of the, uh, side effects of, uh, roofies is memory loss.
You are literally too stupid to insult.
Thank you. - Hey.
Hey, come on.
Did we leave the music on?
Hey. Shh.
Don't make any sudden movements.
Unh. Whoa! - Aah!
Who the hell are you? - No, who are you?
Quiet, quiet.
Mike Tyson?
Shh. This is my favorite part coming up right now.
Need a chorus line, guys.
One more time, guys.
Oh, Jesus!
Oh, fuck!
Why did you do that?
Mr. Tyson would like to know why is his tiger in your bathroom.
Hold on, that was completely unnecessary.
I'm a huge fan. When you knocked out Holmes, that was...
Explain.
All right, look, we were drugged last night.
We have no memory of what happened.
It's true.
We got in all kinds of trouble last night and now we can't find our friend.
If you wanna kill us, go ahead because I don't care anymore.
What are you talking about? - I don't care.
Why the fuck would you wanna steal his tiger?
We tend to do dumb shit when we're fucked up.
I don't believe these guys, man. - Wait, how did you guys find us?
One of you dropped your jacket. Found it in the tigers' cage this morning.
That's Doug's.
Yeah, Doug. His wallet and his room key is in there.
No, that's our missing friend. - I don't give a fuck.
Did you guys see him? - I was fast asleep.
Because if he was up, this wouldn't have gone down so smoothly.
Maybe one of the tigers ate his ass like Omar.
Respect.
Wha...? What happened to Omar?
Oh, don't worry about Omar, he's not with us no more.
Okay, I know this is asking a lot...
...but do you think we could go to your house and look around...
...see if there's any clues?
Absolutely. How else you think we're gonna get the tiger back anyway?
Come on, champ. - I'm sorry?
We're not gonna put it in the Bentley. You brought it here, you bring it back.
What you think, about 40 minutes?
Don't make me come back for him.
That was Mike Tyson. - Yeah, no shit that was Mike Tyson.
I'm just saying, he's still got it.
Alan.
Bud, are you okay?
Oh, my God. - Shit!
Fuck, where'd he get him?
Hey.
This does not seem fair.
It's Rock, Paper, Scissors. There's nothing more fair.
Alan should do it. - Alan took a punch from Mike Tyson.
Come on. For Doug.
Why are you peppering the steak? You don't know if tigers like pepper.
Tigers love pepper. They hate cinnamon.
Phil, just do it. You should do it.
I would, but you lost. It wouldn't be right.
Okay, I jammed five roofies in there.
Just go in there and throw it in to him.
Fine.
Make sure he eats the whole thing.
Fuck.
Oh, fuck.
Hey, kitty.
Hey, sweetie, it's okay. I got a little snack for you.
Real important that you eat this, okay?
Yeah, just have a little...
Shit!
What do we do now?
We wait.
What do tigers dream of
When they take a little tiger snooze?
Do they dream of mauling zebras
Or Halle Berry in her Catwoman suit?
Don't you worry your pretty striped head
We're gonna get you back to Tyson And your cozy tiger bed
And then we're gonna find Our best friend Doug
And then we're gonna give him A best-friend hug
Doug
Doug, Dougie, Dougie, Doug, Doug
But if he's been murdered By crystal-meth tweakers
Well, then we're shit out of luck
www.frendz4m.com
By the way, we're all gonna die.
Wait.
Oh, God. - Watch it!
His nose. That's his nose.
Hey, guys, when's the next Halley's comet?
Who cares, man? - Do you know, Stu?
I don't think it's for, like, another 60 years or something.
But it's not tonight, right? - No, I don't think so.
But you don't know for sure?
No.
I got this cousin who saw one. He said it blew his mind.
I wanna make sure I never, ever miss out on a Halley's Comet.
So if you guys know if there's gonna be one...
Oh, fuck!
Oh, my God! - Fuck it!
Stu! Stu, it got me! Stu!
You got clawed! You're bleeding!
Oh. - I'm panicking.
Aah! - Oh, my God.
Okay. Okay, okay. Wait, hold on.
I can't do it.
Get your fucking hand back in there...
...and steer the car. - I'm too nervous.
Alan. We need you, buddy. This is your time to shine, okay?
Okay, yeah. Whew.
Daddy's gonna kill me.
That's it. - That's good.
Keep it straight.
You're late. - Whatever, man.
We had to push it the last mile.
Come on in. Mike's got something he wants to show you.
That thing's out of control, man. Seriously, you gotta put it down.
When we got back, we took a look at the security cameras.
Great.
This is how you walk. This is how you walk.
Oh, it's Doug. - Oh, thank God he's alive.
That's our buddy. That's who we've been missing.
We're all best friends.
Why don't you just pay attention? I don't have all night.
Yeah, of course. Of course.
What are you doing?
Hey, guys. Check it out. Watch this.
That's me, I'm on TV. I've never been on TV before.
What are you doing, man?
Really? Really, Alan?
You got a fire hose, man?
Yeah, I was, uh...
You're gonna overflow the pool, man.
Maybe... Should I wait outside? - I think that's a good idea, Alan.
Yeah.
Don't touch anything out there, either.
You know what? He's not our good fr... We don't know him that well.
Come on. Come on, come on.
By the way, where you get that cop car from?
We, uh, stole it from these dumb-ass cops.
Nice.
High five that one.
Yeah, that's nice.
You know, I just have to say...
...I have never seen a more beautiful, elegant, just regal creature.
Check it out. Stu. Stu. Fuck this tiger.
Oh, my God. That's awful. - Oh, man.
Oh, shit. - Who does shit like that, man?
Someone who has a lot of issues, obviously. I'm a sick man.
Oh, my God.
That's all we got.
This was hugely helpful.
Really. Because now we know that our buddy Doug...
...was with us at 3:30, totally alive.
Thanks again, champ. And, uh, again, we are so sorry we stole your tiger.
Don't worry about it, man.
Like you said, we all do dumb shit when we're fucked up.
I told you he'd get it. - I did say that.
You know, everyone says Mike Tyson is such a badass...
...but I think he's kind of a sweetheart.
I think he's mean.
All right. I think it's officially time we call Tracy.
Hallelujah. Finally, Phil says something that makes sense.
We don't have much of a choice. And maybe she's heard from Doug.
That's what I been saying this whole time.
We just need to be completely honest. We need to tell her everything.
We don't have to tell her everything. We can leave out the stuff...
...about me marrying a hooker.
Just stay focused on Doug.
What am I gonna tell my dad? - Alan, relax. It's just the inside.
Come on. I got a guy in L.A. who's great with interiors.
Oh, Jesus! - Oh, my God.
Are you guys okay? - What the fuck?
I know that guy. That's the guy from the trunk.
Get out of the car. Please.
W... W... Wait. Those are the guys that shot Eddie.
Listen... - Let's go!
Okay. - Oh, no.
Easy, easy. - Come on.
Okay. All right.
All right, all right. - Let's go.
Hey, relax. Ow. Ow. Ow!
I have whiplash. - Get this other fat boy.
Get the fat boy.
Hey, hey, hey.
All right, all right. - Hey, take it easy, take it easy!
I want my purse back, assholes.
What? Your purse? - That's not a purse, it's a satchel.
It's a purse. Okay? And you steal from wrong guy.
Wait a second, wait a second. We stole from you?
Okay, you know what?
We don't remember anything that happened last night...
...so help us out a little here.
Well, apparently you guys met at a craps table late last night.
You were on a heater, and he played your hot streak.
He ended up winning just under 80 grand.
No shit? Eighty grand is nice.
Okay, that's good.
He put the chips in his purse, and then you guys took off with it.
That doesn't sound like us.
Mine had $80,000 inside. And this one? Nothing.
Hey, there are Skittles in there.
Ow! Oh, not again.
Don't let the beard fool you. He's a child.
It's funny because he's fat.
Now, look, this was obviously a very simple misunderstanding.
Alan picked up the wrong purse, it's no big deal.
Okay, if it's, "No big deal," why, when I come after you guys...
...he starts screaming like crazy and throw me in trunk?
What, I did that?
Yeah, you said he was your lucky charm...
...and you want to take him home with you.
Lucky charm. - Oh, it's just funny.
Fuck you.
If you want to see your friend again, you get me my 80 grand.
What? - Our friend?
You have Doug? - You know about our friend?
Doug! - Doug!
Doug's in the car! Doug's in the car! - Doug, it's okay!
You chill out, goatee!
Okay, okay. All right, fine, fine. - What do you want?
Not so good now. Quid pro quo, douche bag.
What?
Look, we're very sorry. But this is an easy fix.
Alan, where's his purse? - I don't know.
It's in the hotel room, right? - Yeah, we can get it.
We can get you the... We can even write you a check right now.
No chance. Cash only.
There's a person in there. - Boring.
Take nap. Come on.
Wait. I'm sorry we're boring you!
Doug, it's okay. - You kidnapped our friend! Kidnapper!
Wait.
Oh, no. You're not going anywhere.
Stop.
Stop. Run me over.
Okay. Whoa. Whoa. - Stu, Stu, Stu.
Bring money to Big Rock in Mojave Desert at dawn.
What? - Toodle-oo, motherfucker.
Well, at least take the bag off his head! Fuck!
Oh!
Come on, get out of here.
Guys, I'm telling you, I looked for it this morning before we left.
It's not anywhere.
Fuck.
Stu, how much you got in the bank?
About 10 grand. I was gonna use it for the wedding.
You're already married, so we're good there.
Besides, enough with Melissa, she's the worst.
Yeah, Doug told me she had sex with a pilot or something.
It was a bartender on a cruise. What is wrong with you people?
Ew. Alan, did you just eat sofa pizza? - Yes.
What are we gonna do? We are so fucked.
Hey, guys?
Did you find it? - Nope.
But check this out.
Change only, 10,000.
Hey, uh, these seats taken? - No, feel free.
All right, let's play some blackjack!
That's it. Shut up, bitches.
Hmm.
I'll stick. - Oh, fuck you! Fuck you!
Splitting fives.
Too many. - Yes!
I don't even know you, but I'm gonna tell you that's dumb.
Yes! - Oh!
Okay, come on. He can't lose. He can't lose.
I think the pit boss is watching him.
Oh, my God. - Are you okay?
I'm such a klutz. I get so nervous when I gamble. I'm so silly.
It happens. - Whoa. Hold on a beat, okay?
Let's just take it easy. This is my wife. - It's hurting.
Make sure... Does it hurt? Does this hurt?
Oh, ow. - You all right?
I don't know. - I don't know either. I don't...
I think you're fine. Let's go.
Really? Okay. - Upsy-daisy, there.
I'm sorry, she's had a little too much to drink.
Thanks, buddy. That's for you.
And 100, 200, 300, 400.
With all this, that's $82,400.
Oh, goddamn it. I don't fucking believe it.
Whoo!
Alan, you're the man. - You are too, Phil.
We should come back next week, take the whole city down.
Oh, I'm free next week.
Or we could just focus on getting Doug back, right now.
Uh, you know what? Next week's no good, the Jonas Brothers are in town.
But any week after that is totally fine.
I think it's safe to say that our luck has officially turned around, guys.
We are back, baby. We are fucking back.
We're back. Classic.
We are back, we are back - That's right.
We are getting Doug back
And we're the three best friends That anybody could have
We're the three best friends That anyone could have
We're the three best friends That anyone can have
And we'll never, ever, ever, ever, ever Leave each other
We're the best three friends That anybody could have
I mean, the three best friends That anybody could have
That's right, the three best friends That anybody can have
Now what? - Give him the signal.
What signal? - Flash your lights. Let him know it's on.
What's on? - The deal.
Of course it's on. We just drove 30 miles into the desert. He knows it's on.
Phil, just do something.
Fine.
Oh, shit. - See?
All right, let's go.
Funny fat guy fall on face.
You okay?
All right, we got the money. Eighty grand, cash.
Throw it over. Then I give you Doug.
Um, I'm sorry. First of all, good morning.
And we didn't catch your name last night.
Mr. Chow. Leslie Chow.
Mr. Chow, it is a pleasure. My name is Stu.
And we would very much appreciate an opportunity to see Doug...
...before we give you the money, just to verify that he's okay.
If that's cool. - Of course, Stu. That is cool.
Oh, thank God. - Okay.
See, he fine. Now give me money...
...or I shoot him, and I shoot all you motherfuckers.
And then we take it. Your choice, bitches.
Give him the money, Stu. - Okay.
It's all there. - Let him go.
All right, take it easy. Take it easy.
Ta-da.
Is this some kind of joke? Who the hell is this?
That is not Doug.
What you talking about, Willis? That him.
No, I'm sorry, Mr. Chow. That's not our friend.
He... That's... - The Doug we're looking for is a white.
Ah! I told you you had the wrong guy, little boy.
Damn, Alan, what the fuck you got me into?
You know him? - This is the guy...
...that sold me the bad drugs.
How you doing? - I didn't sell you no fucking bad drugs.
Wait. He sold you the Ruphylin? - Ruphylin? I sold you that Ru...? Wha...?
Who gives a shit? Where is Doug? - I am Doug.
Your name's Doug? - Yes, I'm Doug.
His name's Doug too. Ha. Classic mix-up.
Come on.
Hey, Chow. You gave us the wrong Doug.
Not my problem.
No, fuck that shit. Now, you give us our 80 grand back and take him with you!
No. Come on. I'll be your Doug. - Oh, yeah, okay. Oh, I take him back.
Right after you suck on these little Chinese nuts.
Ah. That's nasty. - Mmm. How that sound?
Unh, pshh.
So long, gay boys. - Wait a second.
He's a nasty little motherfucker.
Did you ever get any ecstasy?
No, I ain't got no fucking ecstasy.
Goddamn it! - Gosh darn it!
Shit! - Shoot!
Hello? - Ahem, Tracy, it's Phil.
Phil, where the hell are you guys? I'm freaking out.
Yeah, listen.
We fucked up.
Thanks for the lift back to town.
I got a question for you. - What's up?
How did you wind up in Chow's car?
That crazy asshole kidnapped me yesterday.
Okay, but why? I mean, why you?
He thought I was with you guys because we were hanging over at the Bellagio.
What? - We were at the Bellagio?
We were shooting craps. You don't remember?
No. No, we don't remember.
Because some dick drug dealer sold him Ruphylin and told him it was ecstasy.
Ruphylin. There you go with that word. Ruphylin. What the hell is a Ruphylin?
Wow, you are the world's shittiest drug dealer.
Ruphylin, for your information, is the date rape drug. You sold Alan roofies.
Oh, shit. I must have mixed up the bags. My fault, Alan.
Damn, Marshall gonna be pissed off at me on that one.
Whatever. - It's funny, because just the other day...
...me and my boy, we was wondering why they even call them roofies.
You know what I'm talking about? - No. Don't know.
Why not floories, right? Because when you take them...
...you're more likely to end up on the floor than the roof.
What about groundies? That's a good new name for them.
Or, how about rapies?
Wait, what did you just say? - Rapies.
Not you. Doug, what did you say before?
I said groundies.
No, before that.
You said, "You're more likely to wind up on the floor than... "
Phil. - Listen, Trace, I'm really sorry. I...
Phil? Hello? - Tracy, it's Stu.
Stu. Talk to me. What's going on?
Uh, nothing. Don't listen to Phil.
He's completely out of his mind. He's probably still drunk from last night.
Where's Doug?
He is paying the bill. We just had a delicious brunch.
We're in a hurry to get back, so we gotta get going.
Okay, we'll see you soon. Bye. - Stu.
Stu. Fuck.
What the fuck, man? - I know where Doug is.
I don't know, man. It just hit me.
You remember when we saw Doug's mattress impaled on that statue?
Yeah, we threw it out the window. - No, impossible.
You can't open windows in Vegas hotels.
Well, then how did it get...?
Oh, my God! - Ha, ha, ha.
Whoa, wait. What's going on? - Doug was trying to signal someone.
Holy shit. - Yes.
Wait. How did you figure that out? - Doug made me realize it.
Doug? - Uh, not our Doug. Black Doug.
Hey, hey, easy with that shit. Come on. - Sorry.
Can someone tell me where white Doug is?
He's on the roof, Alan. - Yes.
He's on the roof. We must have taken him up there as a prank...
...so he'd wake up on the roof. - Like that time in summer camp.
We moved his sleeping bag out in the jetty at the lake?
Ha, ha, ha. Which was hilarious.
It's not so funny now, though, because we forgot where we put him.
You guys are retarded, you know that?
Holy shit. You think he's still up there? - There's only one way to find out.
Doug!
- Doug, you up here, buddy?
Where you at, Doug?
Doug!
Hey, guys!
He's over here!
Hey, I found him! He's over here! - Oh, shit.
He's okay.
You're okay. Ha, ha, ha!
Oh, God. We gotta go, buddy. Come on.
Oh, we have been looking everywhere for you.
He's alive. - What the fuck is going on?
We can explain everything, but right now we gotta go.
Hey, bud. You okay? - No. Not okay.
You look good, you got some color. I'm jealous.
I'm getting married today. - Yes, you are.
That's why you need to focus and do everything we say.
Because, frankly, you're wasting a little bit of time right now.
You fucking asshole!
Oh, my skin burns. My skin burns.
Oh, ow! God.
It's okay. It's not your fault, Doug. - Don't touch me. Shut up.
All of you, shut up.
Just get me home.
Mm-hm.
Just get me home.
What about the one after that?
You cannot be serious.
Oh, goddamn it.
What? - Every flight to L.A. is booked.
What about Burbank? - Sold out.
Oh, fuck! We can't drive there, the wedding starts in three and a half hours.
Alan, where's the car? - It's on its way.
You know what?
We can drive there. We can make it. Okay?
Hi.
Just give me one second. - We will leave without you.
Is he missing a tooth? - Yeah.
Hey. - Hey.
Hey, thanks for helping out last night. That was so awesome.
Sure.
Listen, Jade, I...
Look, you don't have to say it. I totally understand.
This whole thing was stupid. - Huh.
It was stupid, wasn't it?
This is yours. - Oh, thank you.
I can't believe I gave my grandmother's Holocaust ring to someone I just met.
What was I thinking? - You were really fucked up.
Clearly.
You did pull out your own tooth. - I...?
I pulled out my tooth?
Why did I pull out my own tooth?
Alan bet you that you weren't a good enough dentist...
...to pull out your own tooth.
Okay. Heh.
Of course he did. - You won.
Yeah. Clearly. Yeah.
That's victory, right there.
It needs to go down.
It's good. Get in. - No. Safety first.
Alan, it's fine. It's down. - No, I gotta get it down first.
Jesus Christ. Look out. - Don't mess the car up.
You're gonna mess the car up.
Hey, what are you doing next weekend? - I don't know. Working. Why?
I was thinking maybe I'd come back and take you out to dinner.
Really? Like a date?
Yeah. Like a date. Only, one that hopefully I'll remember.
Sounds good.
Stu. Come on. - Stu. Come on.
I gotta go. Okay. Bye.
Bye. - Bye.
All right, here we go.
All right, let's go. - Yeah.
Careful.
At least the trip wasn't a total disaster.
What makes you say that? - When I woke up on the roof...
...I happened to find $80,000 worth of Bellagio chips in my pocket.
Oh! - Oh, my God!
Looks like we're going home with some money, boys.
Here he comes. That's him.
Hey, Neeco! - Hey. What's up, Alan?
Whoo!
Whoa, look out. - Oh, shit.
Whoa! Whoa!
Thanks, Neeco. - You got it, man.
Page me! - Adiós.
Who the hell was that guy? - That's my buddy.
Hey. Sorry, MapQuest took us on a really crazy route.
How's my hair? - It looks good.
Is it cool like Phil's? - It's classic Phil.
She looks beautiful, man.
Sorry I'm late.
Vegas.
Where were you? And why are you so red?
Honey, it's a long story.
We are gathered here today...
...because of the strength of love and of promises kept.
All I know is I am so sorry.
And I promise for as long as we're married...
...to never, ever put you through anything like this again.
Can you forgive me?
Daddy. - Hey, my man.
Excuse me, but I'm expecting my husband any minute.
Oh, that's very funny. Come here.
How was your soccer game?
www.frendz4m.com
Stu? You avoiding me? - Hey. Melissa.
Oh, my God. What happened to your tooth?
Have you met Alan? Tracy's brother. Brother of the...
Okay. Ow.
That is disgusting. Why haven't you returned my calls?
Well, there was a snafu when we stopped...
I called that bed and breakfast in Napa.
They said they had no record of you even checking in.
That's because we didn't go to Napa.
Stu. What the fuck is going on? - We went to Las Vegas.
Oh, really? Las Vegas? Why would you go to Las Vegas?
My friend was getting married. That's what guys do.
Okay, that's not what you do. - Really?
Well, then why did I do it, huh? Because I did it. Riddle me that.
Why'd I do it?
All you want me to do is what you want me to do.
I'm sick of doing what you want.
In a healthy relationship, a guy should be able to do what he wants.
That is not how this works! - Oh, good.
Because whatever this is ain't working for me!
Oh, really? - Yeah.
Since when?
Since you fucked that waiter on your cruise last June. Boom!
You told me it was a bartender. - Oh, you're right. I stand corrected.
It was a bartender. You fucked a bartender.
You're an idiot.
You're... You...
You're such a bad person.
Like, all the way through to your core.
Alan, shall we dance?
Let's do this.
It was a real pleasure meeting you. - Fuck off.
I'm getting my bartender's license. - Suck my dick.
No, thank you.
You guys are awesome.
Dougie...
...I gotta tell you, man, this was a gorgeous wedding.
I give it six months. - You're a dick.
I don't know what to say. Thanks for the bachelor party, I guess?
Yeah. I just wish we could actually remember some of it.
Hey, guys? Look what I found. - Whoa, that's my camera.
It was in the back seat of the car. - Oh, Go... Are there photos on it?
Yeah. Some of it's even worse than we thought.
No fucking way. Give me that. - Wa... Wa... Wait.
Wait, wait, wait.
We look at these pictures together, okay?
One time.
And then we delete the evidence. - I say we delete it right now.
Are you nuts? I wanna find out how I wound up in the hospital.
Yeah, it's in there. - Guys, one time.
Deal? - Deal.
Deal. - Okay.
Oh, dear Lord!
That's classic!